okay pat passed out under dana's car
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
