Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
