I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
