she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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