Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
