suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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