I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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