Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
