It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
