my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
