ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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