only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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