oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
