I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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