you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
