I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I could fuck to npr.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
