Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
