The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
