Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
