i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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