Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
