He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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