I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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