I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
