It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
