see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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