so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
