Your face is a jimmy john
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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