you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
