I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
