I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
third nipple confirmed
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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