dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
