Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
