My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
