Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
