you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
