Nicole vs. Life
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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