i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He did a backflip because drugs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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