Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just invented taco cereal.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
