The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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