hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
