I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
