first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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