he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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