i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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