that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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