I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
