Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
