the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
