yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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