So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
