i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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