all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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