Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
