i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
