About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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