I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
