Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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