she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
