It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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