she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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